I think I’ve done all of the above…but I’m trying to realize it early and apologize for taking out my frustrations on someone else. It feels good to own up!

Girl I am so all over this!  Anger can be so toxic when you eat it, oh my and it has to be the most “projected” of ALL emotions in our realm of self expression. 
What I mean is that of all the emotions this is the one that others are most likely to express for you because of its sheer intensity….

And girls are not “pretty” when they are angry and I am quite sure that we feel far more “Guilt” if we do express our anger in a loud or strong way, more guilt than a man does if he expresses his.

Anger is a gift from your “Thunder Goddess,”  she wants you to express it, she wants you to stand dead center in your anger and say, ” I AM ANGRY ABOUT THIS and you need to know this is not OK and this is not working for me.”

The “Thunder Goddess” also wants you to make sure that when you feel anger rising from your core that you take a breath and ask yourself if it is your anger or someone elses and once you get an answer give it back or claim it.     

Anger owned is the perfect storm!

Wow, i just rolled with that one, thanks Kristen…

Whenever I mask anger, I feel more anxious and fearful and in a free-floating way, not even in a grounded way. Anger centers you in time and space. I liked the part about totally feeling anger and letting it go through you so that it releases. It seems that resentment is the opposite; it’s anger harbored.

When I get angry, it builds and builds until I explode. Beware of those in firing range, which is either my husband or kids. It doesn’t happen very often, but I feel  extremely guilty afterwards and would go sit in my room afterwards and cry. I’m aware that what I’m doing is extremely inappropriate and I’m working on it. This video has given me more hope to deal with my anger.
I hope you do a video about guilt in the future.
Thanks Kristin!

I have spent most of my life swallowing my anger, due to seeing frightening outbursts and over the top type of acting out during my developing years.  I am a mature woman and now when I express my anger, others don’t know how to respond, since it is so not the goody two shoes me they are used to! I am not acting out, either!! Just stating my position….that’s all it takes to mess some of them up! LOL!

I always used to say Oh, I’m never angry! And then, a few years ago, during an intensive workshop in which we were strongly pushed to use tools to get the anger out, I suddenly felt a tidal wave of volcanic emotion.  It was my first recognition of what anger must be and really feels like.  We were encouraged to dig in and throw out ALL of the old rage.  If I had never done that workshop I might still be denying anger. 
Now that I recognize that anger is a part of me being human, I can appreciate Kristin’s direction to claim my power by owning the anger and letting it pass all the way through to that clean feeling on the other side. Like diving through a wave at the ocean. I will use that image. Thanks Kristin.

Anger lives in my life as a an overflow of frustration which originates as feeling powerlessness. This feeling of helplessness or victim of my circumstance will then erupt as inappropriate levels of anger towards myself and others. Once I feel it and recognize it, what I really need a constructive way to express it that will result in getting my needs met!

You’re right, Kristin, about people around us reflecting our anger back to us.  I have been noticing such reflections in my own life. 

As a child,  I would see my mother inappropriately (and very frighteningly for a young child) express her anger in screaming temper tantrums.  My father was the opposite: calm but non-expressive of his anger, keeping it contained and trying to deal with it “spiritually”.  He would walk away from my mother, not wishing to discuss anything while she was angrily attacking him.  I always felt sorry for him and I learnt to abhor the tantrum-like expressions of anger I saw in my mother (in which she would often threaten to leave), found it silly and weak and extremely ugly and shameful behaviour.  I believed the better and more mature way to act was in the way that my father did.  So I would bottle my anger and try to (unsuccessfully) deal with it internally, only to explode every now and then!

In my last intimate relationship (which it turns out was not so intimate after all), I had decided to be honest and open when I wasn’t happy with how things were going, in order to prevent “negative” emotions from festering and destroying the relationship.  I really wanted to have good, healthy communication with my boyfriend.  So, in my last relationship, although I still wasn’t fantastic at it, I did my best to try to sort things out by maturely and calmly stating my position and fears, etc. openly and honestly.  It didn’t always happen that way (despite my best intentions! – you know how it is!) however I at least did my best to express my anger, hurt and fears in ways which weren’t attacking.  Still, that wasn’t enough with this particular person.  He ran!  Disappeared!  Vanished into thin air! (well, not quite, but it seemed that way!   No response or communication whatsoever!  It felt AWFUL, to say the least!  I felt I had scared him away and that there was nothing I could do to “make things right”, no matter what I said.  I felt powerless, angry, guilty, self-blaming… I didn’t receive any response from him until weeks or even almost a couple of months later.

What I have realised is that although it seemed he was rejecting me completely because of my expression of my strong “negative” and vulnerable  feelings (which I still on some level felt were “weak”, “shameful” and “embarrassing”)… although it seemed he was rejecting me because of my feelings, he was actually mirroring my own childhood expectations and beliefs about what would happen if I expressed those feelings… Rejection and abandonment…  Complete rejection, regardless of all my other good and wonderful qualities!   I realised that someone seemingly rejecting me due to my expression of anger and other “weak” feelings was actually a reflection of me rejecting myself!  I had hated seeing my mother angry when I was a child (and I was very scared by it) and there was no way I wanted to be like that!  I found it embarrassing and was ashamed of acting anything like that (even if it was to a much lesser degree).   So essentially, despite being aware of the necessity for honest communication in a good relationship and being willing to do that, on a deeper level I was still rejecting myself! 

I also felt bad and guilty about hurting his feelings (as though he needed babying!)  I was, however, entitled to MY feelings and I was attempting to do the right thing by myself (as I’d learnt from past experience not to pretend I was happy with things when I wasn’t).  However, that didn’t stop me from feeling angry…. towards myself!  For being a “failure” at relationships…. for not having acted as perfectly as I would have liked…. for not being “good enough”, etc., etc…..!

At the end of the day, it is OURSELVES we are angry with.  That’s the anger that I find most challenging, as I can often find compassion and understanding (perhaps too much!) for the other person but tend to be harder on myself, as though I should be perfect even though no-one else is!  How absurd is that?!  So realising it’s OK to not be perfect and realising we were doing the best we could at the time and that we’re always learning and growing, and realising that the other person had their lessons to learn from the experience as well, and realising the importance of forgiveness – to myself most of all! – is important for my own wellbeing.  Being loving and forgiving, compassionate and understanding with myself…

Sorry this is so long…  sometimes once I start writing, you can’t shut me up!   But I hope at least some other fantastic women out there find it helpful.

Thanks, Kristin for such a great video and for the wonderful work you’re doing throughout the world! 

PS: I like the music.  I think it goes really well with the video and doesn’t distract from your voice

OMG, Kristen, this is very weird but before even viewing this episode, I was angry at my husband tonight for something & would normally stay angry him for a longer period of time.  But tonight, again, before viewing this….I did exactly what you suggested.  I felt angry, owned it, & then let it go….not holding on to it. Was so meant to see this episode.

This is something I’ve started trying to practice just recently. I realized holding onto anger for too long just puts me in a place, a negative place really. .. which I no longer want to be a part of. Bring on the positive “godess rising” stuff instead!!!  A sooo much better place to be!

Hi Kristin thanks!

I have felt some big anger recently, and let myself feel it at home alone – to the point where I got sick of hearing myself vent about it in my head -  I pulled my power back! However… the group I experienced the angry about and from,  seemed to drag it out, and I remained stoic – the topic is past now, though a tiny part of me wonders and feels that they might bring it back and “hold it against me” so to speak, in future.  I still wonder if I should just bring it up at our next board meeting to confirm that it will NEVER be a topic or held against me again in future – they are a bit crazy when in the group together… but apart they are kind people… it’s tough.

What should I do?  How can I totally confirm that they realize they have NO POWER over me without sounding totally offensive and disrespectful, as they are all elders. 

I was really offended and bothered by their judgements towards me and others, though I am part of this group because it is part of my career.  I sit on the board to participate and bring positive new energy to an “old boys club” – they invited me there! As the universe invited me there too… it’s tough motivating a group that seems governed by the invisible white old elephant in the room.  But when they aren’t in that meeting room and out in the universe apart they are bright shiny stars of knowledge and wisdom and inspiration… I also volunteer my time there, this was the other part that upset me when they became frustrated with me, and judgmental.  I was like, ” Hello, am I volunteering for frustration??!” I don’t want to waste my time with that!  But there is so much potential and the organization needs to exist and grow, to transform and be sustainable.  It is part of me, as it is part of my life, which is my career.  I care, but I was very fed up with them… at present I am focusing on the 15% solution and what I can control and contribute to of this organization.

Anyway, I did pull my power back into me – though a tiny part of me feels like I let it go too because I didn’t tell them off and put them in their place when I had the chance.  I handled the confrontation with peace and honesty and strength.  I stood my ground.  But I didn’t get “angry” in front of them all.  Should I have done more??

Thankyou in advance for any insight or ideas!!

S
xoxoxoxo

Thank you Kristin!!!!  Yes I’m hiding my anger… in my sadness and fear!!! AND I hire others! Especially my hubby!!! … and yes I give away my power! I feel that my avoidance of anger comes from a fear of not expressing it safely or clearly, so I feel not heard or misunderstood. I was feeling low physically and emotionally for a few days. Did some Energy work and shifted very little. As soon as I acknowledged anger (alone and safely) I felt this surge of Energy! A definite shift… Wooo Hooo!